I got back from this trip only to be immediately talked into taking another month long excursion across the UK with friends who also happened to be taking 'extended vacations.' My hope for this trip was that I would have some time to think and figure out my life (and visit numerous pubs). Unfortunately the only thing I figured out (other than the fact that the English countryside is beautiful and everyone should hike across it) was that I hate mushroom stroganoff, sheep are surprisingly cute, and if I never have to drink another cup of f**king tea again that will be just fine.
The panic that sets in when you realize you have worked so hard towards a goal only to decide you don't want it is terrifying. If I don't want to be doing this, what do I want to be doing? We have all asked ourselves this question and we rarely find an answer. My problem was that I found too many. I ran through all
the different things I would like to experience in my lifetime: I could hike around the world, I could
teach English abroad, I could work with animals, I really enjoyed my trip to
Antarctica, maybe I could get a job on a boat down there, or a cruise ship,
that might be fun, oh and what about the Peace Corps, on and on and on you get
the idea. I finally landed on
option Z: All of the above. I have never understood our culture's need to define ourselves by our careers. I want my life to be defined by my experiences. My desire to have a stable life supported by a steady career (an admirable goal for many people) was immediately replaced by the desire to fill my life with as many different experiences as possible. I have my entire existence ahead of me and I want to live it in a unique and significant way.
The realization that a plan is just something to deviate from has made it ok that I do not have one, and opened the door for me to simply do all things I always wanted to do. I want to travel the world, meet people, work different jobs and learn different things and hopefully have a positive impact on the people and environments I come into contact with. I understand living this way is going to involve taking a lot of
chances, most being forgoing steady income. I intend to be realistic, I acknowledge that I will need to
alternate income-draining adventures with income-earning adventures and that
there may be some no adventure in between times. I also intend to continue putting money in savings for
whenever I retire from whatever this is. I realize that living life with such a degree of
uncertainty is risky, but also liberating. In the words of David “Awol” Miller, I would happily live my
life in such a way that I have fewer ‘should’ve dones,’ even if it means
acquiring some ‘wish I hadn’ts.' I started this blog to document both.
